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Indian-American children are taught that every adult female is a potential aunty; many carry this presumption to the conclusion that any adult female older than them can be an aunty.

I�m not referring to school children here, but to those I see as adults, the lipsticked and bearded variety, who ought to know better. I don�t have a problem with terms like ammayi, or cheriamma, or edathi, all specific Malayalam words that acknowledge individuals who are close family members and deserve rightful respect in the family�s pecking order.

There are equivalent terms in every Indian language: terms like maami, mausi, and didi that all validate close family connections. Her use of the term �aunty� with a perfect stranger was both deliberate and careless. There was no regard for long-term association or affection.

But amongst English-speaking Indian Americans, the frequent use of �aunty� or �uncle� is more often an example of lazy speech, or a desire to bump the individual in question into the category of doddering older-other, than it is a thoughtful moniker of respect. I attended an art exhibition in the home of an Indian-American couple a few months back. This was clearly an example of �you�re from an older, other world, and I�m still young, and I want to put some distance between us.� Here are some guidelines for the use of the term �aunty� and to prevent against the kind of encounter I�ve just described.

According to Probal Dasgupta�s study The Otherness of English: India�s Auntie Tongue Syndrome, the term aunty �functions these days as a marker of Western sophistication among the upwardly mobile middle classes in urban and semi-urban India.� Many of the Indians who reside in the Bay Area are products of this urban, elite heritage, and they seem determined to use �aunty� liberally and pass on the custom to their unsuspecting offspring.